No seriously, don’t even think about attempting these unless you want to never enter another Einstein again without instantly bursting into uncontrollable laughter at what they call…bagels. HA!
So the story is my bro from work, Emma, is in what must be relationship bliss with this dude. Not just any dude. This dude makes the best goddamn bagels known to man. Well at least this man. She brings them in just about EVERY DAY…and the worst part is….she only brings enough for her. Ahhh!! Whats up with that? Totally unfair!! No bagel love in the office?? No really she has brought some in to share, otherwise how would I know that they are the best goddamn bagels after all?
Well, I think she finally got tired of me whining and moaning about bringing in more bagels, so she convinced her old man to put his craft to paper and share with us lesser bagel hobgoblins who until now, could only look upon all the bagel glory with watering mouths and covetous eyes. What follows are the notes as directly scribbled by the bagel deity himself. Or at least the bagel deity’s main squeeze. That’s how these mythological things start right? Word of mouth?
Best Bagels EverShare
Tuesday, April 28, 2009 at 5:24pm
The bagels from the original recipe were a bit too small, so I experimented with increasing the size of the recipe by 25% and it worked, but it strains my mixer. Below is the 25% larger version. Also, my bagels sometimes do not float when they are supposed to, but they are still great.
The recipe: Due to the nature of the ingredients, this dough needs to be mixed a lot more than other doughs. Use a mixer, don’t try to knead by hand. For the same reasons, it might not work if you double, halve or etc the recipe.
Ingredients:
- 5 Cups high-gluten flour (I had good results with Hodgson Mills high gluten bread flour)
- 2.5 teaspoons table salt
- 1-1/3 tablespoon barley malt syrup or powder
- 2 teaspoons dry active yeast
- 1-1/2 cups 80 degree water
- 3 tablespoons corn meal
- 1/2 cup topping ingredients (I used 2 tbsp poppy seeds, 2 tbsp sesame seeds, 1 tbsp kosher salt, 1 tbsp dried minced garlic, 1 tbsp dried minced onion)
The recipe:
- Mix flour, salt, and malt in bowl of standing mixer fitted with dough hook. Add yeast and water. Mix at lowest speed until dough looks scrappy, like shreds just coming together, about 4 minutes. Increase speed to 2. Continue mixing until dough is cohesive, smooth and stiff, 8 to 10 minutes.
- Turn dough onto work surface. Divide into 8 equal portions, about 4 ounces each. Roll pieces into smooth balls and cover with a towel or pactic wrap to rest for 5 minutes.
- Form dough balls into dough rings (roll into thick snakes like you did with playdough when you were little, overlap the ends about 1 1/2 inches and pinch together. You can moisten the ends to make them stick better if you need to). Place on cornmeal-dusted baking sheet, cover tightly with plastic wrap, and refrigerate overnight (12 to 18 hours).
- About 20 minutes before baking, remove dough rings from fridge. Adjust oven rack to middle position. Preheat oven to 450. Fill large pot with 3 inches of water and bring to a rapid boil.
- Working a few at a time, drop dough rings into boiling water (they should float. mine didn’t, but it still worked). Stir and submerge the rings until very slightly puffed, about 30 to 35 seconds. Remove rings from water. Transfer to wire rack to drain, bottom side down.
- Dip the tops into a bowl full of your topping of choice now, if you’re into that. Tranfer boiled rings, rough side down, to parchment paper-lined baking sheet or stone. Bake until deep golden brown and crisp, about 14 minutes. Transfer to wire rack to cool.
- Go throw rocks at all the jerks who try to pass off donut-shaped bread as bagels. You’ll never need those counterfeit bastards again.
