So the story is my bro from work, Emma, is in what must be relationship bliss with this dude. Not just any dude. This dude makes the best goddamn bagels known to man. Well at least this man. She brings them in just about EVERY DAY…and the worst part is….she only brings enough for her. Ahhh!! Whats up with that? Totally unfair!! No bagel love in the office?? No really she has brought some in to share, otherwise how would I know that they are the best goddamn bagels after all?

Well, I think she finally got tired of me whining and moaning about bringing in more bagels, so she convinced her old man to put his craft to paper and share with us lesser bagel hobgoblins who until now, could only look upon all the bagel glory with watering mouths and covetous eyes. What follows are the notes as directly scribbled by the bagel deity himself. Or at least the bagel deity’s main squeeze. That’s how these mythological things start right? Word of mouth?

Best Bagels EverShare

Tuesday, April 28, 2009 at 5:24pm
The bagels from the original recipe were a bit too small, so I experimented with increasing the size of the recipe by 25% and it worked, but it strains my mixer. Below is the 25% larger version. Also, my bagels sometimes do not float when they are supposed to, but they are still great.

The recipe: Due to the nature of the ingredients, this dough needs to be mixed a lot more than other doughs. Use a mixer, don’t try to knead by hand. For the same reasons, it might not work if you double, halve or etc the recipe.

Ingredients:

• 5 Cups high-gluten flour (I had good results with Hodgson Mills high gluten bread flour)
• 2.5 teaspoons table salt
• 1-1/3 tablespoon barley malt syrup or powder
• 2 teaspoons dry active yeast
• 1-1/2 cups 80 degree water
• 3 tablespoons corn meal
• 1/2 cup topping ingredients (I used 2 tbsp poppy seeds, 2 tbsp sesame seeds, 1 tbsp kosher salt, 1 tbsp dried minced garlic, 1 tbsp dried minced onion)

The recipe:

1. Mix flour, salt, and malt in bowl of standing mixer fitted with dough hook. Add yeast and water. Mix at lowest speed until dough looks scrappy, like shreds just coming together, about 4 minutes. Increase speed to 2. Continue mixing until dough is cohesive, smooth and stiff, 8 to 10 minutes.
2. Turn dough onto work surface. Divide into 8 equal portions, about 4 ounces each. Roll pieces into smooth balls and cover with a towel or pactic wrap to rest for 5 minutes.
3. Form dough balls into dough rings (roll into thick snakes like you did with playdough when you were little, overlap the ends about 1 1/2 inches and pinch together. You can moisten the ends to make them stick better if you need to). Place on cornmeal-dusted baking sheet, cover tightly with plastic wrap, and refrigerate overnight (12 to 18 hours).
4. About 20 minutes before baking, remove dough rings from fridge. Adjust oven rack to middle position. Preheat oven to 450. Fill large pot with 3 inches of water and bring to a rapid boil.
5. Working a few at a time, drop dough rings into boiling water (they should float. mine didn’t, but it still worked). Stir and submerge the rings until very slightly puffed, about 30 to 35 seconds. Remove rings from water. Transfer to wire rack to drain, bottom side down.
6. Dip the tops into a bowl full of your topping of choice now, if you’re into that. Tranfer boiled rings, rough side down, to parchment paper-lined baking sheet or stone. Bake until deep golden brown and crisp, about 14 minutes. Transfer to wire rack to cool.
7. Go throw rocks at all the jerks who try to pass off donut-shaped bread as bagels. You’ll never need those counterfeit bastards again.

I am so ready for the grill. I mean…I just cant wait for summer to be here. If fact…I’ve already started hitting the grill. Dusted off the snow from the top of the rusty old weber and made some amazing porterhouse steaks. But alas they are not here because everyone knows how to cook a porterhouse…including me…with three glasses of wine in me.

So here it is. On the verge of some fabulous greek-ish flattened lamb meatballs, otherwise known as oblong burgers, and then.. the grill.. the gas.. nada. So this will be the broiled rendition which turned out fabulously, although I will give them a go on the grill when the climate is warmer…and the grill is …well..fuller.

Lamb Burgers

Ingredients:

• 1 teaspoon olive oil
• 1/2 cup diced onion
• 1 1/4 pounds ground lamb
• 1 egg
• 1/2 cup bread crumbs
• 2 clove garlic, minced
• 1 1/2 teaspoons salt
• 1 tsp ground black pepper

The cheesiness

• 4 ounces soft goat cheese
• 1 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
• 2 tsp chopped fresh basil leaves
• 2 tsp chopped fresh oregano

Directions:

1. Heat 1 teaspoon of olive oil in a small skillet over medium heat. Cook and stir the onions in the oil until soft and translucent, about 5 minutes.
2. Gently knead together the softened onions, lamb, egg, bread crumbs, garlic, salt, and pepper. Divide the mixture into 5-6 parts and roll into balls, then cover and refrigerate until ready to use.
3. Mix together the goat cheese, extra-virgin olive oil, basil, and oregano until well combined; cover and chill for 5 minutes.
4. Preheat an outdoor grill for medium-high heat.
5. Working with one portion of meat at a time, make an indentation in the center of the ball with your thumb. Fill the indentation with a heaping tablespoon of the goat cheese mixture. Gently pull and form the meat patty around the cheese filling, making a burger-shaped patty. Repeat with each ball of the lamb mixture.
6. Broil those suckers until burnt to a crisp, or about 5 minutes on each side if your not an ASS..

Tzatziki Sauce

Ingredients:

• 1 cups plain yogurt
• 2 cloves crushed garlic
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/8 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 1/4 cup chopped fresh mint leaves
• about 3/4 english seedleess cucumber (because I am a pretentious ass)- semi-peeled, seeded and chopped

Directions:

1. Use a cheese cloth to strain the yogurt over a bowl for 2 hours, or don’t shop at the seven eleven safeway and buy REAL greek style yogurt. Which has already had the bullshit water removed.
2. In a medium bowl, stir together the cucumber and strained yogurt. Mix in the garlic, salt, pepper and mint. Chill the mixture for 1 to 2 hours. Or 30 minutes if you’re a hungry bastard.

How did I envelop all this magical goodness? Not a bun…not a roll…not a pita. Yes thats right. A big old slab of Naan. Best dinner in at least.. a couple of days!

Enjoy!

Ripped this off from:

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Goat-Cheese-Stuffed-Lamb-Burgers/Detail.aspx

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Tzatziki-Sauce-II/Detail.aspx

Update to see how it went

Ingredients

• 1 cup uncooked couscous or rice
• water
• 1 tablespoon olive or vegetable oil
• 1/4 cup coarsely chopped almonds
• 2 cloves garlic, finely chopped
• 8 chicken thighs, skin removed
• 1 cup of your favorite crappy jarred salsa
• 1/4 cup water
• 2 tablespoons dried currants or raisins
• 1 tablespoon honey
• 3/4 teaspoon ground cumin
• 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon

Directions

1. Cook couscous in water as directed on package. Cover to keep warm.
2. Meanwhile, in 10-inch skillet, heat oil over medium-high heat until hot. Cook almonds in oil 1 to 2 minutes, stirring frequently, until golden brown. With slotted spoon, remove almonds from skillet; set aside.
3. Add garlic to skillet; cook and stir 30 seconds. Add chicken; cook 4 to 5 minutes or until browned, turning once.
4. In medium bowl, mix remaining ingredients. Add to chicken; mix well. Reduce heat to medium; cover and cook about 20 minutes, stirring occasionally, until chicken is fork-tender and juices run clear. Stir in almonds. Serve chicken mixture with couscous.

Hiya Ellie!

This is a lazy version of creamy enchiladas with a chipotle twist and a wall of cheese.

Ingredients

• 3 chicken breasts, about 1.5 lbs
• Water (you have that right?)
• 2 tsp salt
• 2 tbsp butter
• 2 tbsp flour
• 2 tbsp Adobo Sauce (from the can)
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• 1 medium yellow onion, diced
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 3-4 Chipotle Chiles from a can, seeds removed (your hiney will thank you later), diced
• 1 cup heavy cream (I know right?)
• Pack o’corn tortillas (you will need about 18)
• Wall of cheese. Some might go for a nice 8 oz. I shred off the huge block I got from Costco until I feel the dish is sufficiently…cheesy.
• Your fav toppings. I like sliced avocado and maybe some Crema.

Directions

1. Boil the chicken in salted water for about 15 minutes until cooked. Reserve 2 cups of the liquid. Shred the chicken.
2. Heat the butter and add flour and cook until brown, about a minute, to kill the raw flour taste.
3. Slowly whisk in the 2 cups of chicken stock until well mixed.
4. Add the Adobo sauce and let sit on low while you do the next part.
5. In a pan add the olive oil and saute the onions, garlic and chipotle until soft.
6. Add the cream and onion “stuff” to the broth mixture and simmer on low for about 15-20 minutes.
7. Preheat the oven to 375°. OK now I know you are thinking there will be some tortilla frying and rolling etc. Well, that is why these are lazy, so what you are going to do is put a few spoons of the sauce in the bottom of a baking dish, drop in 6 tortillas, flat. Add a nice amount of chicken and cheese and drizzle on some more sauce. Add another layer of tortillas, chicken, cheese and sauce and finally top with 6 more tortillas. Add the remainder of the sauce and cheese to the top.
8. Bake for about 20-25 minutes with the dish covered in foil to lock in all that moisture. Pop the foil and broil for about 5 more minutes to brown the cheese and crisp any exposed tortilla-age.
9. Top and serve.

So what do you do when you are totally stir crazy and about to be trapped in your house for the duration of what promises to be a very snowy super bowl weekend? Bake some freakin chocolate cake man!! This recipe was pilfered from a well worn article torn from a “Healthy Living” magazine of an  indeterminable age that the object of my eye completely and utterly swears by. So here goes:

Ingredients

For the Cake

• Vegie oil cooking spray
• 1 cup warm water
• 1/2 cup unsweetened natural cocoa powder
• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 3/4 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1/2 cup light olive oil (orig recipe is sunflower oil)
• 1 tbsp pure vanilla extract
• 2 tsp distilled white vinegar

For the Glaze

• 2 oz dark chocolate (preferably 70% cacao), finely chopped
• 1/2 cup confectioners sugar, sifted
• 2 tbsp water

Directions

1. For the cake: Preheat oven to 375°. Coat an 8 inch round cake pan with spray.
2. Whisk water and cocoa in a small bowl until smooth. Combine flour, sugar, baking soda, and salt in a large bowl and mix well. Add cocoa mixture, oil, vanilla. Whisk until smooth. Whisk in vinegar. Pour into a pan.
3. Bake until a toothpick inserted into center comes out clean. About 30-35 minutes. Let cool on a wire rack for 20 minutes. Run a knife around the edge of cake, invert it onto rack, and turn the cake right side up. Let cool completely. Transfer cake to a serving plate or cake stand.
4. For the glaze: Melt chocolate in a heatproof bowl set over simmering water, stirring until smooth. Let cool slightly.
5. Whisk together sugar and water until smooth. Add melted chocolate in a slow, steady stream, whisking until thickened, about 1 minute. Immediately pour glaze onto center of cooled cake. Using an off set spatula, gently spread glaze over top and sides. Cake can be stored at room temperature for up to 2 days. Haha! As if it would last that long!

Made this from a recipe found at allrecipes.com. Best apple pie ever. The method of pouring the “goo” through the lattice really makes the top crust crispy and sweet. Nutmeg and cinnamon were added and weren’t on Ople’s original recipe. Perhaps they were out at the general store when she sent Opie to fecth’in her some greedients.

• 1 recipe pastry for a 9 inch double crust pie
• 1/2 cup unsalted butter
• 3 tablespoons all-purpose flour
• 1/4 cup water
• 1/2 cup white sugar
• 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
• 8 Macintosh apples – peeled, cored and sliced
• 1 tsp cinnamon
• 1/4 tsp nutmeg

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 425 degrees F (220 degrees C). Melt the butter in a saucepan. Stir in flour to form a paste. Add water, white sugar and brown sugar, and bring to a boil. Reduce temperature and let simmer.
2. Place the bottom crust in your pan. Fill with apples, mounded slightly. Cover with a lattice work of crust. Gently pour the sugar and butter liquid over the crust. Pour slowly so that it does not run off.
3. Bake 15 minutes in the preheated oven. Reduce the temperature to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Continue baking for 35 to 55 minutes, ensuring apples are soft and crust is crispy.

Ingredients

• Sun died tomato wrap (or your favorite varietal)
• 1 tbsp olive oil
• 2 lbs of cubed Chicken
• 1 1/2 tbsp curry powder
• 1 tsp garlic powder
• 1 tbsp chili powder
• 2 tsp cumin
• 1 tsp salt
• 8 oz mexican blend cheese
• 1 avocado
• 2 tbsp fresh cilantro
• 2 cups goats milk yogurt
• 1 red bell pepper
• 1 tsp turmeric
• 1 tsp coriander

Directions

1. Heat olive oil on high heat.
2. Combine spices and coat chicken cubes.
3. Add chicken and bell pepper to the pan.
4. Cook until chicken is about 3/4 cooked, about 10 minutes, and add yogurt. Cook on medium low heat, uncovered for about 15 minutes or until sauce is reasonably thick.
5. Place shredded cheese and avocado on wrap. Spoon chicken mixture on wrap and sprinkle with cilantro
6. Wrap and serve. Done deal. Easy and pretty damn good!

Well so if you need inspiration.. I guess this will do…

The wings recipe comes from the 2009 Jan 28th, Washington Post recipes section.

Ingredients

• 4 lbs chicken wings and/or drumettes
• 2 6-ounce bottles hot pepper sauce. (Louisiana or Trappy’s brand work well)
• fine sea salt for garnish

Directions

1. If you got wings you should split the drumetts and wing, removing the tip and discarding. Add the chicken to a gallon freezer bag and add the hot pepper sauce. Seal the bag removing as much air as possible and squeeze, squish and squirt the saucey wingy mixture because it is fun, and to distribute the sauce to all the chickeny cracks and crevices. Try not to get carried away and pop the bag spilling the contents all over your shirt and kitchen floor.
2. Preheat the oven to 400°.  Place a cooling rack inside a baking sheet, or some other method of keeping the chicken from sitting in it’s own greasy mess while it is cooking, and then roast for 20-25 minutes on each side (40-50 minutes total) flipping with some tongs halfway through to keep those bad boys evenly roasted.
3. Remove the chicken from the oven and place the top rack 4-6 inches from the broiling element and preheat the broiler
4. Broil about half the wings for about 2-3 minutes each side, until nice and crispy. Watch closely to avoid burning. Repeat with second half of the chicken. Salt to taste if needed.

Italian Sausage Metloaf with Potato Gravy, originally uploaded by balyho0o.

So I was totally craving something  hearty like meatloaf and mashed potatoes so I surfed around the web and took my inspiration from a couple of different recipes which use Italian Sausage to help bring things to life. This one from allrecipes.com had some good ratings and some helpful comments and this one was the catalyst for the blue cheese, which was fantastic.

Sadly the potatoes were meant to be something like this but because I used baby reds, which don’t quite stand up the way a Russet or Gold might, what I ended up with was more of a potato gravy. ..and it was so damn good! I just love it when accidents turn in to amazing discoveries. It was a bit “gluey” but was oh so rich and yummy. Really hit the spot.

Meatloaf Ingredients:

• 1 1/4 pounds ground beef
• 4 (4 ounce) links Italian sausage, casings removed
• 1 egg, beaten
• 1/2 a red bell pepper, chopped
• 1 yellow onion, chopped
• 1/2 cup oats
• 1/2 cup milk
• 1 tsp Worcestershire sauce
• 4 oz blue cheese crumbles
• 1/4 cup fresh chopped parsley
• 1 tbs fresh chopped basil
• 1 tbs fresh chopped oregano
• 2 tbs tomato paste
• salt and pepper to taste

“Gravy” Ingredients:

• 2 lbs of baby red potatoes (Don’t you dare peel these!)
• 1 tbs fresh rosemary
• 1 1/2 tbs Kosher salt
• 3 cloves of garlic
• 1/4 cup butter or margarine
• 1/2 tbs fresh ground pepper

Meatloaf Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 400°.
2. In a large bowl combine beef, decaseified sausage, egg , bell pepper, onion, oats, milk, blue cheese, Worcestershire sauce, herbs,  salt and pepper. Mix together, preferably with your hands (feel that squishy goodness!), and press into a loaf pan line with aluminum foil.
3. Add a nice thick layer of tomato paste to the top as if you were frosting a cake.
4. Bake in the preheated oven for about 1 hour, or until center temp reads about 145° (should continue to rise to about 155° while resting). Let stand about 10 minutes and use the foil to lift out and drain grease.

“Gravy” Directions:

1. Buy the wrong type of potatoes for the “Mashed” varietal. In this case baby reds
2. Cut larger taters in half, and add them, 1tbs salt, garlic and rosemary to boiling water and boil until soft
3. Drain and drop contents into a food processor making sure to get the garlic and rosemary bits. Add butter, pepper and remaining salt and puree the crap out of it. Add a little milk if it isn’t “gravy like” enough for you.

Provide a nice “base” of gravy, add a slab or two of the meatloaf and drizzle with more gravy goodness. I DARE you not to go back for seconds!

Chicken Enchiladas, originally uploaded by balyho0o.

Is it STILL winter. OK well it’s only the start of January and already I’m longing for spring. What better way to dash those wintery blues than a nice spicey Tex Mex dish and a glass or two of vino? Anybody?…I didn’t think so. So anyway, I started out with a pretty standard recipe and tweaked it a bit to my own liking. notice the absence of sour cream, replaced by the goat’s milk yogurt. I really like the way this tases as opposed to bland ole sour cream. That is unless you have access to some nice mexican sour cream or Crema Agria, which has a nice rich flavor as well.

Ingredients

• 2 tbs butter
• 2 diced shallots
• 1 medium sweet vidalia onion
• 2 cloves garlic minced
• 1 medium jalapeno grated
  
• 4 tbsp flour
• 2 cup chicken broth
• 4 cans (4 ounce) chopped green chilies
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 tsp cumin
• pack of corn or flour tortillas
  
• 2 cups cooked shredded chicken
• 1 cup sharp cheddar cheese
• 1 cup shredded Monterrey Jack cheese
• 1/4 cup roughly chopped cilantro for garnish *optional
  
• 1 cubed avocado *avocado is never optional
  
• 1/4 cup Goats milk yogurt (or sour cream) *optional

Directions

1. In a saucepan using medium heat, melt 1 tbs butter and saute the shallots, garlic and onion until tender. Whisk in flour slowly avoiding lumps. Add broth, chilies, salt, jalapeno and cumin. Cook and stir until thickened. Reduce heat to low and simmer for about 5 minutes.
2. Grease a baking dish using the remaining butter and add a little sauce to the bottom. and preheat your oven to 350°.
3. Roll each tortilla adding shredded chicken, some cheese and a nice spoon full of sauce and add to baking dish (you want more specific amounts?). Once your pan is loaded, pour remaining sauce over the top. Sprinkle the jack cheese over the top according to your desired cheese factor preference.
4. Bake uncovered for 20-30 minutes. Serve topped with yogurt, avocado and cilantro.
5. Spend 15 minutes trying to get a good photo of your rapidly cooling plate for your food blog which nobody reads, while your dinner mate looks on somewhat annoyed and contemplates appropriate microwave reheat settings.